Creating Your Coaching Request: A Guide to Deeper Conversations
Dec 16, 2024
Your coaching request is like a compass – it points toward what matters most in the moment. While it might feel challenging at first, crafting this request is your first step toward meaningful and intentional transformation.
What Is a Coaching Request?
Think of a coaching request as setting a direction for our conversation, not writing it in stone. It's your invitation to explore what's most important to you right now. Each session, when I ask something like, "What would you like to get from our conversation today?", I'm inviting you to tap into your wisdom about what matters most. As a coaching client, you are responsible for generating where you’d like to take the conversation.
I like to compare a coaching request with Jack Sparrow’s compass from Pirates of the Caribbean, the coaching request points in the direction of what you want most. What you yearn for. What you desire.
The Art of Not Knowing
Even after years of being coached, my first response is often "I don't know." This is completely normal. The magic happens when we push past this initial uncertainty.
Remember: There's no wrong answer. Your request can be as simple as "I'm struggling with X and would like clarity" or as expansive as "I want to explore what's possible in Y area of my life."
Five Areas Your Request Might Touch
Most requests aren’t random - they are aligned with larger, long-term projects or goals in your life. Here are 5 places people usually draw from:
- Self-Discovery / Relationship With Self
- Understanding your patterns
- Exploring your values
- Building new habits
- Relationships
- Personal connections & romantic relationships
- Professional dynamics
- Communication challenges
- Career and Professional Growth
- Decision-making
- Leadership development
- Career transitions
- Creative Expression and Leadership
- Project development
- Innovation
- Artistic pursuits
- Spirit, Purpose and Meaning
- Life direction
- Spiritual growth
- Legacy building
Beyond Problem-Solving: Two Types of Requests
Coaching always occurs in the gap - the difference between where you are now and where you'd like to go. There are two types of gaps that form the coaching request.
Defensive Requests: The Gap - Building Your Foundation
Defensive requests are about getting you back to baseline. They are often unsexy, but supremely necessary. They are about taking care of your to do list, resetting your well-being, supporting you with decisions unmade, or rehearsing conversations unhad so that you can live to play another day.
Like a steady drumbeat in a song, these requests help you:
- Get back to baseline
- Handle immediate challenges
- Clear obstacles
- Make pending decisions
Example: "I need support prioritizing my projects and tasks for the next quarter."
Offensive Requests: The Gain - Expanding Your Horizons
Offensive requests are about seeing huge possibilities or making significant shifts. They often feel more chaotic, scarier, and vulnerable.
Like an inspiring guitar solo, these requests help you:
- Explore new possibilities
- Make significant shifts
- Push your boundaries
- Create breakthrough moments
Examples: "I want to explore what it would mean to truly slow down and be more present."
Personal note: Over the years, my goal has been to bring a higher ratio of offensive requests to my coach. Their job is to reflect my greatness and multiply my pathways of possibility. When I can consistently bring this type of request, it compounds what I'm able to see and who I'm able to become. In the past, I’ve brought offensive requests like:
- “What would it take for me to be the top team performance coach in the world?”
- “How can I be more intentional about my healing?”
- “I want to experience more love and intimacy to see my relationship, but I don't know where to start.”
- “I want to 10X and pivot my business…let’s talk about what that would take.”
The Power of Possibility
When everything feels "fine" and there are no obvious problems to solve – that's often where the most powerful coaching begins. If there is no gap to close… let’s create a gain. We can explore:
- Goals you haven't dared to voice
- Experiences you want to create
- Conversations you've been avoiding
- Dreams you're ready to pursue
Personal Note: If coaching begins when there is nothing to fix… What exists outside of problems?
One time, I told my coach I had nothing to work on because there were no problems on my horizon. She gently said, “There is nothing to solve and nothing to fix, this is where coaching begins. What would you get to talk about today?”. True coaching begins when there is nothing to fix. We get to explore what’s possible and move out of what is predictable (and even rational).
Practical Ways to Generate Your Request
1.) The Capture Method
- Keep a notes app ready to capture the fleeting thoughts that would be valuable for you to discuss. Record thoughts as they arise.
- Message me between sessions - I've had clients email, text, or audio message me between sessions about things that were happening in the world. When we got to the time of their session, we used their messages as a running list of places to begin the session together.
2.) The 48-Hour Scan
In the 48 hours before your session, conduct an audit.
- Look for patterns
- Identify stuck points
- Take stoke of progress
- Celebrate wins & breakthroughs
3.) The Present Moment
- Sometimes, showing up "empty" leads to the deepest insights. Some of my best sessions have come when I decided prematurely that I had nothing to talk about. It's in the nothingness that I’ve had some of my best coaching conversations.
- Trust that what needs attention will surface
- Put down judgment, and be open to exploration
Pro Tips for Powerful Requests
- Be Specific Instead of: "I want to be better at communication" Try: "I want to explore how to have difficult conversations with my team"
- Stay Open The request is a starting point, not a destination. Our conversation might take unexpected and valuable turns.
- Trust the Process Not every session needs a breakthrough moment. Sometimes, small shifts create the biggest long-term impact.
